Sunday, October 11, 2009

The rising tide of animosity...or another look at the dividing lines....

So I've been thinking a lot this week about one of the subjects I generally try to avoid...Politics. If you happen to look at my facebook profile under politics it says that I "prefer to stay neutral"...and most of the time I try to stay out of conversations that involve politics altogether because in most cases it goes from being an otherwise pleasant talk to an after school on the playground knock down drag out fight in a matter of minutes once the slightest inkling of difference is discovered. Why is that? What drives us to fall back on preconceived notions and prejudices once we learn how someone feels from a political standpoint? I don't necessarily have the answers to those two questions but I do feel that they're important to ask, especially in the world we live in today where things change so rapidly and attention spans get shorter by the second. They also serve as a jumping off point for what I'm going to focus on: my recent observations and what I think about the political climate in our world today.

As previously stated, I really don't like to talk about politics. When I look at the people around me everyday and watch the news...and read snippets and blurbs becomes increasingly clear that politics is one of the topics out there that has an almost immediate dividing, polarizing effect on people the instant it enters into a conversation. While it can be humorous to think of two otherwise ordinary office coworkers stripping down and dueling it out over political views ala Fight Club, the sad reality is that it often does lead to strained relations in one form or another when politics get involved. In American society in particular it seems that we're only allowed to have two sides, Republican or Democrat, and once someone learns which side of the fence you're on then automatic assumptions are made. If you're a Republican then you must be a right wing religious fundamentalist hold over that has sold everything out to the corporate special interest groups. If you're a Democrat then you're obviously a left leaning liberal who's main interests involve humanist new age philosophy, homosexuality, and the expansion of government into all sectors of the populace. And if you just so happen to fall into one of the smaller political groups then it's just assumed you're a special brand of nut that doesn't really get any real representation or acknowledgment. I may be exaggerating the details just a bit, and it certainly sounds funny....but the sad fact is that people do judge each other with their own set of preconceived notions about a particular political view.

We had a Presidential election in 2008...and we all know the outcome. We have all been watching and talking and debating and in some cases shouting and cursing. The reactions have been both surprising and ridiculous. I have watched different people from all segments of the population and how they've reacted to our current leader in Washington DC...and I think those who have saddened me the most are my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
How can I say that? Well I guess I just don't see how pissing and moaning about our President is doing anything for the cause of Jesus. I have a hard time believing that Jesus would be spending any more time worrying about our current President than he did worrying about the political rulers of his day...which is to say, he didn't. He went about doing the work of his Father. He spent time with his disciples teaching them about the Kingdom and reaching out to the sick and the poor and the hungry. We, as followers of Jesus, should be doing the same. we should be reaching out to our friends and neighbors. we should be praying for them. we should be praying for our President, not hoping that he fails. If we believe that God has everything under control and has a plan for this world, then wouldn't Barack Obama as President be a part of the plan?

There is quite a bit more I could say...but I think it would just be me rambling. The main point I really want to make is that we need to get rid of politics altogether. it shouldn't matter if it's conservative or liberal, republican or democrat. what should matter is what's best for people. for all people. what can we do to make our country and our world a better place? It starts with people throwing out their prejudices and assumptions and talking to each other about what can be done and finding the common ground. it means that those of us who have claimed the name of Jesus as his followers start acting like it and start living the way he taught us to.

that's all for now....comments are always welcome....

Love God...Love Others...Love Yourself...

see you where the sidewalk ends....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Small slivers flickering in the distance...

This is the second set of poems I've taken the time to type up out of a few boxes I sorted through last week. It was kinda fun to read through these...trying to remember exactly what I was thinking at the time....was I thinking...what kind of emotions I was dealing with and pouring out...some of the material here is nearly ten years old...I don't always do a lot of self editing or some may seem rough...but I like it that way most of the time...for me this is a vehicle for expression that isn't always about being polished or pristine...the best ones...the ones I connect with after the years and relate to...are often the ones that don't always have a straight forward meaning...take from them what you will...what do they mean to you?
the ones titled "Magnetic" are pieces I wrote on my friend Brian's fridge using his magnetic poetry kit....that was always a good time...enjoy these...let me know what you think...

Behind the Curtain

Last in a long line
of repeat offenses
Struggle to contain the flames
that engulf my heart
Eyes go blind
in the inky darkness
alive in the palpitations
of this cruel rhythm
Every reaction
is the same as before
dance for the marionette
and wonder where the strings begin
ignorant of my own fingers
jerking me along

Inopportune Realization

Eyelids snap open to darkness
and claustrophobic tightness
limbs undone
breath ragged and in vain
skin brushing smooth alloy
so close on all sides
the horror of Amontillado

...Buried Alive...

A Specter Looks at a Century

Restless at the dying of the light
pulse quickening at the sound
of approaching night
but am I really alive?
or just a flashing apparition
illumined by the first slivers
of this full moon rising
stretching these ancient limbs
testing long held scars for meaning
Look into these eyes
Can you really see me?
or am I just imaginary...

...Raging Inside Me

I am living an
occupational hazard
this constant mixture
of darkness and light
An angel with the shadow
of a devil inside
stuck in a world of
cyclical behavior
Poster child for
a fucked up generation
First one to admit
I still don't know myself
at all

Magnetic #1

Above his need
was will over vision
language apparatus
am I mad?
Picture running water
languid delirious
together they scream
recall how I dream
summer symphony
would we stop
did we love
under enormous some
may manipulate
not to cry
crush their moment
sweat blood and ask me why

Magnetic #2

Chant at bitter death
black life drunk
love like summer
felt all these drive her
worship a moment
picture the diamonds
water light skin smell
lazy boy still here
after a thousand lies
blood from my sadness
together and delicate
ships stop vision
suited to power
bare arm sweat
void yet essential
I loved you
iron sky fall
friend recall
honey I sing
but I'm gone

Magnetic #3

Language like beauty
languid in sunshine
elaborate and produce
madmen stare at the moon
manipulate and incubate
whisper to the flood
road music trips me out
shadow symphony in winter wind
about a girl beneath sweet petals
dreams mean eternity
ask me sometime

Magnetic #4

Felt like I could
dream you and me together
languid beneath
this forest moon
chant away the blood lust
drunk on honey
essentially crushed
asleep in the sun
pink rose petals
did bare love
let your light shine
delirious eternity sings
of delicate beauty
a moment gone
still I recall
spring and tiny water music
picture a thousand
I only need one
whisper it to me
love above all
worship through language
live today

Magnetic #5

Leave after asking
still I whisper
like a man without
summer never parts
showing only those
near the void
elaborate from there
tell me how I was
dream and recall
this black flood like death
screaming within bitter moments
shadow language produces
a weak symphony
sordid and repulsive
I run to the rain
cool and delicate
enormous sun soars blue sky
time always sees
true vision

next post will be something different...I've been thinking about a particular subject...just haven't had the time this week to sit down and flesh out my thoughts into a coherent piece...maybe this weekend...until then...see you where the sidewalk ends...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Spinning in circles with golden sparklers....

I've been doing some cleaning lately(yes I know you're all shocked) condensing some boxes of stuff...throwing out junk...and in the midst of this I found some scattered pages of all sorts...even a few napkins, a placemat, and a check stub...that I had written poems on that I had never taken the time to add to one of my computer documents. I've gone through them and started typing the ones that make the most sense or seem to be more than just an unfinished fragment and thought I would share a few of them here. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Light Years

If there was ever a reason
for self discovery
I had not discarded
I can't remember it now
There are no excuses
I haven't used
to try and bury this ideal
Suffocate & asphyxiate
this truth
yet I don't recall being happier
blind & bored
just unaware & unconcerned
The faintest glimmer changed everything
beginning this awkward secret journey
plumbing the depths
of my stained consciousness
and awakening the revelation
that I never knew
the meaning of the darkness
until I truly saw the light

Secondhand Oasis

I watched it all crumble
and wondered why I never noticed
the sand that shifts around my feet
Strange how this temporary blindness
can hide this desert from me
I could've sworn this was a mountain
and yet this blistering breeze
has carried away every leg I thought to stand on
awhisper floats past
tickling my ear
and as I tilt to listen
eyes greet light
and the pain of true vision

So my world is falling down
soon to be a fading memory
But somehow it feels good to be a failure
otherwise there would be no second chances
no time to really see

Stained Glass

So often I ask myself
where the breaking point lies
How far I must endure
this overbearing charade
of a life I gave up living
Exhausted of trying to please
these dressed to kill hypocrites
and entombed spiritual midgets

Is the search still worth it?

White noise and hard rain
taunt my aching soul
beckoning toward a numbing oblivion
and yet something
buried deep within my still beating heart
screams for relief

Jesus where are you?
I was sure you'd be here
but all my pious exploration ever uncovered
was the ghost of your memory
I'm tired
but somehow still trusting
wanting to live
and You whisper
...Peace..Be Still....

Questioning the Stars

I sometimes speak to the midnight sky
wondering what weight words hold
in the expanse between
the stars & the sea
Do I speak in vain?
Are my heavenly inquiries
merely an exercise
in an unperceived futility?
These constant questions
crowd this fragile faith
I desperately cling to
in my burdened state of mind
Yet I am alive in the mystery
of it all
vitality streaming from the hidden things
Enlightenment is,
after all,
only possible if you're wondering at the darkness
wanting something more

Little White Lies

Is it really for the best
that I think everything is fine
when nothing works right
and I understand less
about the way things should be
the more I learn
how things are
I guess it's the lie I tell myself
to keep away from responsibilities
I don't want to accept
for actions I only wish
were someone elses'
Regressing further into a logic
I pray will stave off
these barbarians at the gate
screaming insurrection
that makes a quickened pulse
course through me from this darkened heart
that knows what cruel logic won't admit
fall asleep and tell myself
It's all for the best


Take a chance and
inhale another moment of life
I'm not ready to give in
and watch another slow procession
Remember that there's more
than all that pulls you down
I don't think this life
can be the same if you go
You still have so much to do
so much worth experiencing
I love you

Lengthening Shadows

I wondered at
the substance of this life
moving forward
in a volatile environment
Am I just another blip
on the radar screen?
Or maybe a shadow
in this march of the walking dead
Is this it?
Am I content
to hide here from the light?
So I sit and ponder
until the last glimmer fades
and then doubt
that the light
was ever there at all

That's all for now...see you where the sidewalk ends....

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A living, breathing story...

I've been following and supporting To Write Love On Her Arms(TWLOHA) since early 2006 when I saw Anberlin in concert and noticed their bass player was wearing one of their T-Shirts. At the time I thought it was just a band but liked the sound of it so I determined I would look them up when I got home. Wasn't I surprised to learn that they were not a band at all but something altogether new. What started as a small group of people helping a friend and telling that story has since turned into an international movement with the potential of reaching millions. The thing that has always struck a chord with me is the way TWLOHA bridges the stories of peoples' lives together and proclaims to everyone "you are not alone. your story is important and we are here to share in it with you." It doesn't matter who you are or where you've been, you have a story to tell and there are people out there that want to hear it and want to share theirs with you as well and with it - Hope.

There is hope. There is a story out there that you and I are living right now that can be an inspiration to someone...if we are willing to tell it. I'll be honest with you...I don't have a lot of answers most of the time. I make choices that I sometimes wind up wishing I could somehow find a magic "undo" button for...days that I wish were done on an etch-a-sketch so I could shake it and clear it and pretend like it never happened. It happens to everyone. that's part of living and part of the story. I know I may be oversimplifying some of the effects our choices have, but that's an altogether different and lengthy conversation...and not really the point I'm trying to make.

We seem to have this tendency to believe that our lives are not nearly as exciting or as important as those we see around us...or the ones we read about in the magazines or watch on TV. True, some people might go the complete opposite direction and think the world revolves around them and them only, but what I seem to see the most in people I meet or get to know is this minimization of themselves...sometimes to the point where they don't think that they matter to anyone and I think that's what gets to me the tugs at me....because everyone matters, every single one of us. Our stories need to be heard and shared...all our joy and laughter and tears and pain....we need the connection....we need to know that we are not alone in our experiences. The only way for that to really happen is for us to start sharing our story...and sharing in the stories of those around us.

for more information on TWLOHA or to give your support/get involved go here:

See you where the sidewalk ends...

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Fresh breaking waves of the digital sea...

Last weekend I went out to see the movie Gamer. I was really intrigued by the little bits and pieces I'd seen in the trailers for the film and wanted to see how the ideas would play out. I have to say that I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone, but I may give away some details so if you really want to see it without any bias then you might want to hold off on reading this until later. That being said I thought the movie was fairly good overall, although I felt they overkilled the gratuitous sexual content and could've spent some more time digging into the questions and themes they were trying to develop.

I'll break it down for you as simply as I can without giving too much away...Imagine a time not too far into the future where technology has made large strides in the arena of "virtual" reality. The first big step came with the introduction of a single chip cell that could be implanted into a human brain that would then replicate itself and come with the ability to receive signals from an outside electronic source; in effect making the newly chipped individual able to be controlled by someone else. This new technology is first introduced to consumers to be used in the format of a new program like The Sims or Second Life, but instead of creating a new virtual avatar, someone signs up to get paid to be another person's character and has to do and say whatever the person controlling them makes them. this becomes wildly successful and the technology is expanded to create a type of war game filled with prison inmates being controlled by others, and if they can survive 30 matches they win their freedom.

Anymore would simply be giving the whole movie; but what really got me thinking, and what I wish the filmmakers had spent more time on instead of hedonism and nudity, is the questions the very idea of technologically altering our physical make up brings. Are we really willing to sacrifice our humanity for a possible technological fountain of youth? Are there really people out there willing to allow themselves to be altered in a way that would allow someone else to control their every word and move for a preset period of time in exchange for a paycheck; even if it meant that they could be made to dress or act or speak in ways that they wouldn't dream of on their own? And what would drive someone else to actually pay for the rights to control one of the others; to act in ways through them that they couldn't on their own?

The biggest question encompasses all of the others: What does it mean to be human if we can make ourselves into something beyond it, good or bad? I mean the potential is there in what is being developed today to have impacts in the arena of health and medicine that would be beneficial to the entire world and is certainly a good thing, but those same things also might have a potential to be used badly. There are a lot of people today that play The Sims and visit Second Life and I wouldn't say that either of these are bad things, but there is the potential in both for it to be turned into a reality that the individual confuses with or even prefers to their real lives. If you could join a program where you had the ability to physically control another human being in a life or death situation, and your actions would determine whether they lived or died...would you? Would you want someone controlling you in the same situation and not have the ability to control the outcome?

I'm really just thinking out loud here...I don't necessarily have the answers to these questions...and maybe that's part of it...dialogue and conversation about the direction our society is moving at a rapid pace...

What does it mean to be human?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

An introduction if you will...

I'm making a jump here...deciding to create my own blog space...I've had one for several years that I've added to off and on at Myspace...but I really want to work on my writing and share it in a format that is a bit broader...or maybe less affiliated with a specific social networking any rate....this is a beginning....and yet a continuation of me...I'll be re-posting some of the posts I've made over the last few years...the ones with my poetry and ramblings...and a few of the more essay styled pieces...the stuff I feel still holds up and wasn't just an outlet for a specific event or time....

so with that out there....those of you who've read these before...I hope you enjoy them again and bear with me, new stuff is coming...for those of you who haven't...I hope you enjoy what you find and come visit often for the newest thoughts bouncing through my head....

See you where the sidewalk ends...

August 2009

essay piece originally published in August 2009:

The thing that has been on the edge of my thoughts lately is something I know I've touched on before, but it keeps coming up so I feel like talking about it again. I've been working an overnight shift at Walmart lately and it's been quite good for me to have a less stressful job and do some more physically demanding work. Like any good mass market retailer they have magazines lining the registers hoping for a quick sale on this week's news. It's these things that really get to me. If I'm not seeing the latest scoop on someone's love life or lack thereof, it's someone's divorce or worse, capitalizing on a recent death. Our culture is so completely and totally obsessed with the lives of a few people that I don't think most even realize how much it invades every corner of their lives.

We read magazine articles, watch interviews and exposes, trade rumors and gossip, and then wonder why celebrities are such a big deal. Well we made them that way! We delight in raising these few people up on a pedestal because of some talent that they have been blessed with (amazing singer, phenomenal actor, etc.), or in some cases because of the number of children they've been given or the type of work or life situation that they're in. We exalt these people...dare I say it...even worship these people....and then we cast them down when they act in a manner less than the godhood we've raised them to. Here's a question for you: What did you expect? Human beings acting humanly. And we're surprised? Is it any wonder that some of these people can't hold a relationship together or lash out at someone during their work day? We have set standards so impossibly high for people who have garnered even a minute amount of fame that they are inevitably going to crash and burn. We stick cameras in their faces and video even the most intimate moments of their lives and yet we're surprised when they crack and break down. We expect these folks to be role models or examples but put them in situations where making the selfless choice is all but impossible. And to reemphasize: they are human beings. They are going to act like it. They're going to make selfish choices, self destructive choices, and more, because that's what we all do sometimes. We're Human.

Maybe it's more than just that. Perhaps, in an even more devious way, we like to watch them fall. We like to see them make the bad choices. We enjoy the painful divorces and tabloid trysts. We like to watch our celebrities fail. Why? Because that means we don't have to focus on our own bad choices. We don't have to worry about the fact that we can't go to a party without mixing in some cocaine and alcohol because so and so celebrity is going into rehab for the tenth time after another wild night. We don't have to think about how many people we're sleeping around with because this celebrity has a different girlfriend every other day. We don't have to think about how horribly we're treating each other in our marriages because that husband and wife with the 8 kids is tearing each other to shreds in their divorce.

We don't have to think about how broken our own lives are because we can just shut it all out and focus on some other person we don't even know and heap all of our praise and love upon them...and then in turn our scorn and degradation. When did our lives become so small that they seem boring by comparison? When did we become less than those that we idolize? When did they become so important?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't enjoy the entertainment that these folks bring to us, be it through music, movies, comedy, television, or any other medium. What I am saying is that we need to start remembering that every one of them is just as human as you and me and we should stop elevating them to a higher status. We should stop reveling in all of their brokenness. What if it was your wild party night where you had made some lapses in judgment plastered across all of the magazines? What if it was your painful break up or divorce in the headlines? All of a sudden it doesn't seem like an article you want to read does it...

That's all for now....Love God, Love others, love yourself.....

see you where the sidewalk ends....

March 2008

essay piece originally published in March 2008:

All you need is is all you need....

Recently I saw the movie Across The Universe.....and then bought it....and it was truly amazing....I do admit to having a love of musicals...especially the rock opera type...and this one was something used the music of the Beatles to tell such a great story...and it didn’t seem forced....if you haven’t seen it I can’t recommend it enough....

I’ve thought about those lines from "All You Need Is Love" quite a bit lately...wondering how true that could be....all you need is love? really? could there be nothing else you might require in life? It seems so simplistic and glossing over the difficulties life presents.....and some might argue that having that view is just unrealistic. I tend to think of myself as a fairly realistic person and have to admit that it’s awfully tempting to write off ’all you need is love’ as a quaint idea from decades past that just doesn’t stand up to modern life...but how much different would modern life be if people made a choice to be more loving? what would the world look like if love was the predominant factor in the decisions we made? I’d like to think that the world would be a little brighter and the people we meet everyday a little happier....and maybe we might even see beyond the superficial and realize the beauty that lies beneath the surface of each of us that so often seems to be obscured by the darkness. if we made the choice to be more loving we might be more apt to help one another...and in so doing make each other feel like we belong to something more....that we’re not alone in this life....that there really are others that care about who we are....the more I think about it, it sounds less like novelty and more like the beginnings of a revolution....

The Beatles weren’t the only ones with this idea....quite a few years before them another man came around...with a message that was different than the accepted ideas of the time....he said that the greatest thing of all was to love God with everything you have...and the second greatest was to love everyone else the same as yourself.....that everything good and true in life can be summed up in those two statements....and he lived and breathed those ideals during his life...even to the point of giving it if we choose to follow his teachings how can we do any less?

you know...the more I think about it the more undeniable it becomes...all you need is love, is all you need.....

see you where the sidewalk ends....

October 2007

writings originally published in October 2007:

We speak in dreams and memories...clever phrases hidden from the cold
light of reality illuminating the's not fear that keeps
us there...more of a sense of is who we are...the
fantasies you cling to when life seems too hard to cope with....the fairy
tales you treasured as a child...that other world where magic and true
nobility are interwoven with the struggle to survive the tyranny of the
ordinary and become something more than just a man...something you push
aside in the daylight hours...choosing to believe what others perceive
you as though what they think truly defines who you
are....returning to us only in the depths of slumber...and it's the only
time you ever smile.....

I've watched this darkness for so long that it holds shapes and movements that would escape those huddling together around me. In fact they wouldn't even know that there's a difference...something out there that is waiting to challenge their blindness. A small flickering off in the distance that has been calling to me since it first caught me in it's shining brilliance. That....light...stung and burned...yet I find myself wanting to feel it cover my's hard to explain....but there was also this voice ....whispering...soothing....asking me to stay....I ran...back to the cover of this eternal dark...the cold comfort of familiarity....but it's still there...pricking the back of my mind...calling me to travel further in that small voice....and I want to go...but what I seek I'm afraid to find....afraid that when the veil is torn aside the reality of who I am will frighten the owner of the voice...and yet He calls...

Still shadows often hide the smallest flicker of light A spark that dances in defiance of the surrounding night Like a falling star burning a path through the heavens In search of the last resting place in the valley Amidst the remains of the fragile souls Lost and alone in the wandering night

September 2007

writing originally published in September 2007:

If I wonder long enough will this all make sense or is it only an illusion?

it's a question worth considering in the span between breaths, the fragile oxygen hanging in the space between the atmosphere and inhalation, on the verge of being the molecules that further this existence. The short frame of seconds is all it really takes for that first thought to creep in and take birth to the wonder that will forever captivate the imagination with a spark and a light that never willingly goes out. But will it make sense? Will it be the realization that finally gives it all meaning and purpose and drives forward towards that place where the pieces all fit together and everything works out to the right conclusion? Or is it just another wisp of illusion, a sleight of hand in the fog and mirrors surrounding us? Can it be both? It's one of the things that invades my slumber in the apparition of a dream...this idea that maybe the illusion is as close to being what makes everything work as the reality we cling to...treading through the mundane and the trivial like they're the only things that are certain....and in the quiet moments when nothing stirs and the only sounds are the natural humming of the night intermingled with the mechanical revolutions and the breath of life filling and escaping from our lungs....the only time our guard comes down and who we really are is laid bare for the "not so" blind eyes of the's these moments when our most lucid thoughts play out on the theater screens of our minds....and we dismiss them as careless wondering and easy dreams, sometimes even nightmares....but what if all our daylight hours were the real source of fiction? what if what we consider our normal average daily routine was the real dream...a sort of broadcast image controlling our range of the point where no one openly considers the idea of there being anything more. Is this all we are? And if so then what's the point of wondering at all? Unless....unless maybe there is something more out there....maybe life is not so paint by the numbers cut along the dotted lines....maybe it's a mess and a dream and a hope in knowing that each day is another step....another chance to wonder....

July 2007

essay piece originally published in July 2007:

A vain attempt to silence the voice of a generation....

So as I sit here late on a Monday evening (or early on a Tuesday morning, however you want to look at it) I'm left with quite a few thoughts on the current state of things in this world that we inhabit. A couple of things that I've witnessed in the last few days have given me quite a few things to ponder and I figured I'd open things up for discussion by posting my thoughts here. And just what were these things you ask? Well both are sort of Music related (you're all shocked I know...) and both had messages and ideas and will prove to be points of interest and conversation starters for those inclined to discuss these things on more than a superficial level.

The first was the Live Earth broadcast that was aired all day Saturday, via the web and a few cable channels. the idea behind this series of artist performances over a 24 hour period to raise awareness of the climate crisis and ask for individuals' support on a personal level to make small changes that can help improve the state of our planet I think is noble and needed. We need to be made aware, even painfully, that remaining on our current path is going to destroy or in the very least reduce our quality of living and do irrevocable damage to the Earth. I'm reminded of a passage in the book of Genesis that states we as people have been made stewards of the planet and everything in it; and I have to say, from the looks of it we've done a really lousy job taking care of what has been entrusted to us. I think each and every person needs to take stock of their own personal lives and the way we currently live and determine what small things we can do to make things a little better for our environment. No one person is perfect or can do everything exactly right, but we can all make a few small changes and they do add up. Having said this, and also enjoyed several of the performances (AFI did a cover of Ziggy Stardust during their set, look for it on youtube or the Live Earth replays..awesome performance), I also echo the sentiment that here we are promoting Energy Conservation by hosting concerts on all 7 continents and using enough power to light several small cities which can seem just a bit hypocritical. With the number of viewers and attendees numbering in the billions, the fact that the number of people pledging to make a difference wasn't even coming in at a million seems slightly dsappointing as well, and only time will tell what kind of impact this event truly had on the larger population.

The second was a documentary film by Don Letts called Punk Attitude. This was something I saw initially on TV while I was in Mexico and I was intrigued so I found it for rent and got the entire thing to watch. I'm still digesting everything I absorbed while watching this but I have to say that I really enjoyed it and was moved by some things that I had kind of let lie dormant within me as I've grown more into adulthood. That word "Punk" brings different things to mind depending on the person, some of which are valid expressions of a musical period, an attitude, a philosophy, a style; while others are a thinly veiled attempt to assimilate the youth into preprogrammed little stereotypes, simply a poseur. I'm not going to argue who or what is more "Punk" if it's this or that era of rock history....see the documentary if you want more was fantastic. What is it about those ideals voiced in this Punk thing that still draws me in? Well teen angst doesn't exactly work for me anymore seeing as how my teens are now more than a decade gone. But it's more than just teen angst, and teenagers certainly aren't the only group with angst as Trent Reznor so succinctly points out in his musical outings in NIN. The thing about Punk is that it's not just about a music style with loud guitars, fast drums and snotty vocals. It is an attitude, an Idea a way of looking at life, and I really think that every generation has had punk in some form or another and will continue to do so, or at least I hope so. the first generation that comes up and doesn't challenge what came before them will be a truly dead generation. And therein lies the beauty of these ideals. We should challenge everything. People need to realize that there is a difference between Questioning Authority and Disrespecting your leaders. We should question things, we have a voice and a say and we need to stand up and use it. The ability to do so is what makes this country great and anyone that would deny you that right is not someone who deserves to be respected. There is such a thing as a necessary Rebellion, and I think everyone has a little bit of a rebel within themselves that they need to let loose every now and again. This country was founded on Revolution and Rebellion and I think we need to be reminded sometimes of the potential for change that lies within us.

Where am I going with all this....maybe I'm just thinking out loud...maybe I don't have an exact direction....I'm just starting the conversation. You have a voice, use it. Don't let anyone tell you that what you have to say isn't important or needed. We may not always agree with each other but we all have the right to speak and that's just one more thing that I love about living in America. Diversity is a beautiful thing which leaves me with the impression that if we were all supposed to be exactly alike then we would just pop out as little carbon copies and there would never be any reason to change.

Now it's your turn, keep the conversation going. Do you agree and share a similar sentiment? let me know, share your own experience. Think I'm full of crap? Tell me why, what in your experience leads you to that conclusion?

I look forward to the dialogue....see you where the sidewalk ends....

June 2007

Music piece originally published in June 2007:

The measure of impact..or what this means to me...

It's only Rock n Roll but I like it….

25 Records that impacted my life one way or another

In no particular order

· Jeff Buckley "Grace" – unfortunately I did not discover this until after Jeff had tragically past away way too young and with so much more he could've given the world…incredible voice and musical composition…I remember feeling like I was in another world the first time I put this disc on…I still feel that way whenever I give it a spin…

· The Police "Message in a Box, The Complete Recordings" – I had been hearing the police singles for most of my young life and even had a greatest hits disc and a copy of "Ghost in the Machine" on Vinyl, but it wasn't until I got this boxset that I really learned to love the genius of this band. Sure Sting has had an impressive solo career and Andy and Stewart have both been involved in some ambitious projects, but to me they were never better than when they were together fusing punk, pop, and reggae. To this day I still can't hear Roxanne without thinking of Eddie Murphy in 48 hours…

· Metallica "…And Justice for All" – I remember being twelve years old thinking I was into Heavy Metal because I liked Guns and Roses, Bon Jovi, and Motley Crue…and then I heard One and saw the video and my perceptions were shattered…from that point on I was hooked and my tastes were expanded to include a number of amazing Thrash groups that I still go back to when the moment takes me…

· The Clash "London Calling" – while I have the box set and pretty much all of their albums, it's London that I most vividly remember from my youth…back when WFIT was a true college radio station and didn't care what anyone thought about their on air programming (those of you from the home turf know what I'm talking about). This album for me truly captured the spirit of the band and showed me that we all have a voice to make a difference…

· Hot Water Music "No Division" – the first time I remember hearing this album I felt like I had been fired out of a cannon…the musicianship is second to none and the raw unbridled emotion pouring out of the lyrics and throaty vocals was just amazing to me…I remember screaming along to the lyrics in my friend Aaron's car after one particularly distressing evening…very therapeutic…

· The Cure "Galore" – The credit for this should really go to my college roommate Joel. I remember listening to The Cure as a kid and through my teen years…but it wasn't until I listened to his copy of Galore that I really kindled my love for this band…this record has all the best tracks and really, how can you not love it?

· Believer "Dimensions" and Circle of Dust "Brainchild" – while two separate and distinct albums, I discovered them both on the same day and was absolutely blown away. I had never heard music by artists who proclaimed to be "Christians" that wasn't super preachy or sentimental tacky pop two steps behind all the rest of the tacky pop artists.

· Led Zepplin "IV" – While I think this record is probably on every Rock fan's list, for me it was just the ultimate discovery in my early years when I found this in my uncle's record collection. The loud guitars, incredible drumming and vocal wail was like a little piece of rock heaven…and then there was the stairway….

· The Beastie Boys "License to Ill" – this album proved to me that hip hop and rock could coexist and complement each other in the basics...and we all were willing to fight for our right to party that summer…

· Braid "Frame & Canvas" – I just remember hearing the opening drums kick off this record and thinking I just found another new favorite band…there has never been another band quite like Braid and I think that this record truly captured the genius these boys were capable of…

· Thin Lizzy "Jailbreak" – I found this album on a cassette one afternoon when I was about 13…and I remember thinking that this must be where a lot of the pop metal bands learned their licks from….and I would put Jailbreak and The Boys are back in Town up against any new song coming out today…and those two would still come out on top….

· Elvis Costello & The Attractions "The very best of Elvis Costello & The Attractions" – The very first Elvis Costello song I remember hearing on the radio was Pump it Up…and I liked it enough to pick up this cd…and I couldn't have made a better choice…every song on this is amazing and worth every repeat listen I can spare.

· MXPX "Life in General" – this album totally rewrote my perception of this band. I sang every song til I was blue in the face and I think it solidified my attempts to really be in a band that might go someplace. After all, these guys are the same age as me and they still rock as hard as they did when they started…me…I still rock…just not the mic in a band anymore….

· Pink Floyd "Wish you were Here" – while both Dark side of the Moon and The Wall could easily be in this list…I really remember putting this record on at night when I wanted to just chill…and waking up after a nap to the sounds of Welcome to the Machine was extremely haunting but worth it every time…

· Jimi Hendrix "Voodoo Soup" – this album was released many years after his death and it pulled together a lot B-sides and rarities that didn't make it onto his studio recordings…and I remember thinking I would never be able to hear the guitar the same way again….and I would still choose his version of the Star Spangled Banner over any other….

· Weezer "Pinkerton" – Never has a more personal record really reached down and pulled me in as deeply as this one did. While the first record still holds a special place for me, it's Pinkerton where I really felt that Weezer had achieved true greatness…

· Red Hot Chili Peppers "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" - There's few things more vivid in my memory from being 15 than seeing the video for Give it Away and just sitting in my living room in awe…I had never really heard anything quite like it and I've been a diehard fan ever since…

· The Iceburn Collective "Meditations on Revolutions" – While I only own this on a double vinyl record it is still one of the absolute best, and possibly only, jazz influenced hardcore jam records in existence…the music left me breathless and enthralled…a feeling that has to be experienced to truly understand…

· Pearl Jam "Ten" – this record defined my sophomore year in highschool and I wore out my videotaped copy of their unplugged performance…I will always be a fan and have yet to hear them make a bad album…the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should have a spot reserved for them now…

· The Doors "Absolutely Live" – I've been told it's hard to wear out a CD….but I certainly gave this a try. I listened to these two discs everyday for months and I think the true essence of Morrison and Co. was captured in these recordings there will never be a Rock front man as truly Charismatic as Jim…

· Jimmy Eat World "Bleed American" – Another disc that I listened to everyday for like a month straight…there isn't a truer representation of what a good pop record should be…Sweetness is one of the true perfect pop hooks out there…this record should be in everyone's collection…

· Johnny Cash "Live from Folsom Prison" – it's Johnny Cash…do I really have to say anymore?

· Guns and Roses "Appetite for Destruction – I remember my cousin Chris telling me about this band that was going to be featured in the new Dirty Harry movie…but I wasn't truly captivated until I saw the Video for Welcome to the Jungle and got a cassette copy…and I was hooked…

· David Bowie "The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust" – I could listen to this album for days….it would definitely be one I would choose if I was only allowed so many for the rest of my life…but then maybe I would just choose Mr. Bowie's entire collection…it really does have something for everyone….

  • The Refused "The Shape of Punk to Come" – innovation is not usually a word associated with punk or hardcore…but this album smashed whatever preconceived notions might have existed for me about what was "punk". Too bad they didn't last…the newer incarnation of the this group…The International Noise Conspiracy, while good…has never come close to the pinnacle this record sits on….

April 2007

Poetry originally published in April 2007:

half a block from sweet avenue....

....I thought I caught a flash of some memory we shared amidst the cold ashes of what once was a bonfire ablaze.....the flicker floats past....a vain glimmer of hope when none ever dared surface it too much to ask....too much to think that maybe there was something more to who we thought we could enigma within this now and remember me the way I was....I'll remember you as someone I used to know that's long since gone away....and the winter breeze will soon scatter theses ashes....another funeral at sea....

I walked over these streets...dimly lit and shadowed in presence of the fast approaching winter chill....wondering if the world might stop for me if I asked nicely....intent on breathing in the last remnants of autumn still hanging in the breeze....smiling sadly at the thought of you and where you might have wandered off to....chasing those things that never really satisfy you in the end....the moonlight pierces the shrinking shadows receding from the rising tide of silence....broken by the song of a new dawn approaching and the hope of spring and your return.....

speak to me in riddles and I'll answer with's never just the edge of night but a fine line drawn over the sand of this desert I lived in once upon a time....the chill seeping into the dry breeze that swept thru me in the dead of some winter life....I only wanted to see the sea again...feel the salt sting my eyes and the waves crash around....I only wanted to see the ocean come to terms with who I wanted to be....a lost soul floating on the reef in search of another song to sing.....

....wonder if the daydream is as good as the memory...standing on the water's edge watching the foam rush between my toes....warm salt in the breeze invading my senses....smiling at the thought that I might see the sunrise in your eyes....the golden rays that glitter in the swelling blink and the rest is just a fading outline...a blur in some flickering reel as the film spins at it's end....did we ever even stand there....did the sun rise at all......sometimes it's best not to wonder....and let the band play on......

January 2007

essaay piece originally published in January 2007:

The basic construction of a tragedy...

Recently I saw a movie called Idiocracy that I really enjoyed but also really had to stop and think about when it was over. The basic premise of the movie is that an average guy name Joe Bauer (played by the often hilarious Luke Wilson) is chosen for an army hibernation project where he's supposed to be placed in stasis for a year. Things go a little haywire and Joe ends up hibernating for 500 years, and the society he wakes up to is vastly different from the one he remembers. This new culture has been so dumbed down by mass media and over commercialization that "Average Joe" is now the smartest person on the planet. The hilarity ensues from there as Joe tries to get things back on track and it was enjoyable to watch but it really got me thinking about the current state of our own society and culture.

We live in an era where everything is progressing at a rapid pace, sometimes too rapid. Our televisions and radio stations and the internet are saturated with Ads of every sort clamoring for your attention and more importantly for every dollar they can get from you. They all advertise the next big thing or the newest advance or the ultimate version of whatever is being sold and they'll use just about anything to sell it. This mass commercialization of everything eventually breaks everything down to some catch phrase or cliche that seems to makes you forget to wonder what their product or service really is. This process, if left unchecked, would lead to what those in big business would probably love to see; a society that consumes every single one of their products without questioning what it is, what it's good for, or why they need it. A society and culture that can be led around by the nose, waiting for whatever they're told is what's good or necessary. I'm not saying that the consumable products we have in our culture are bad or evil, but I do think that we need to think about the products we're choosing to buy. How are they being made? who's benefitting from the sales? If they're being produced in another country that's less developed than ours is the labor force being treated fairly? These questions and more can often lead to some uncomfortable silences or political hem hawing by those at the top and it's worth thinking about. Thinking..really thinking..about anything in life needs to be encouraged at all costs.

This brings me to another point. what are we teaching the younger generations? How is this mass media overcommercialization influencing them? I would venture that the younger generations are already being sucked in. I remember being a kid and when school let out for the summer I couldn't wait for those days I could spend outside all day long in the woods or at the park or the ballfield, only coming home for lunch and then inside for the night when the streetlights came on. Those were days spent with friends playing whatever game we could think up and just enjoying being outside. These days it seems like the outdoors is like a punishment, with kids wanting to spend all their time in front of their computers or video games or the TV. I don't think any of these things are bad and good things can come from all of them, but it seems like we're encouraging them not to just accept whatever they're told as being the only way it is. When I was younger, and even now still, I loved to read and loved to hear a good story. Now I just seem to hear the response "I'll wait til they make it a movie."

Where am I going with this? I don't really know I guess....I just don't want to see our society make all of these advances in technology and science only to forfeit it's creativity and artistic imagination....I don't want to wake up one day in a culture where Thinking is a crime or a long forgotten antiquity...

So I'll keep exploring these imaginations and asking the questions that might seem trivial....please keep reading and looking at things beyond just their slick presentation....seeing may be believing...but you don't always see what you truly get....above all...Think for yourself....never let anyone tell you how or what to think....

see you where the sidewalk ends....

November 2006

Poetry originally published in November 2006:

well I thought I would share a few of the things I've written recently with everyone. they're short poems that I wrote on the spur of the at a restuarant on a napkin even....and as with most of my work there's no real revision that goes on....I write them once and if I don't edit it in that first writing then I don't edit it at all....I think that while this may not be's just a matter of personal artistic quirks....and one is paying me for this yet...regardless...I wrote these in a few minutes and I think they have something to say....might say something different to you than to me....but the words are speaking nonetheless....enjoy them...let me know what you think....

watch the silhouette fade away to the inside of a distant shadow as we creep along the expanse of this haunted night.....footsteps tread lightly as we walk among the dwellings of the left behind....tension dimly lit by the last sliver of a dying moon....will the past undo the things we've often hoped for with their whispered resolutions and uncertain dreams....troubling this sleep we often never rest...compelled we wander on.....not quite lost but never really found.....

a spirit dancing in the slender silver moonlight...awkwardly stumbling thru the forest with the lonely creatures of the night....merely a spectre haunting the shell of a former life....I am the ghost of a better tomorrow....the last vestige of a once vibrant heart now beating in time with the broken and spent....funny that it always seems to be me who never wants to see this transparency so evident to all these prying eyes....always quick to critique another and leave their own black hearts be....walk on by...walk on me.....this ghost remembers a life you can only dream....

speaking in shadows and bittersweet melodies....I thought I saw the faintest trace of a smile as this thought crossed your mind.....too bad we never got past the simple pleasantries of being alive and alone and I think I might want to take this back when all is said and heart is the worst kind of weapon and it's pointed at another tragic fairytale that we somehow want to believe is the reality we both belong to.....nothing left now but the saddest words we've ever shared even though we never once said one phrase past hello....might've beens and should've dones are the only faint memory I'll want to have as the jukebox plays another lonesome tune and the world runs blue in the dark of this welcome night....

the softest speech sometimes stills this beating heart that jumps every time the shadow falls over the room where we often tend to find ourselves....alive in the last fleeting glimpse of sunset before the stars appear to illuminate the even sky...tiny diamonds that sparkle in the deepest indigo...and if we close our eyes this moment might freeze in time and suspend us evermore in this bliss we discovered in a passionate encounter....quick as it arrives it's gone and I'm left here in these sheets listening to the faintest whispers of the midnight breeze and wonder if it was nothing more than some elaborate dream....

October 2006

essay piece originally published in October 2006:

All these things I've done...and a few I might've dreamed...

I thought I might take a few moments to reflect on some things I've noticed lately. it's strange to me how easily we often override the basic sense of who we are in a vain attempt to reach some imagined state that we, or at times someone else, believe we should be at. we waste more time on trying to figure out and attain some deluded social status and in the process forget to spend time finding out who we are.

But is it any wonder that we expend so much effort trying to "keep up with the Joneses" in the society we live in? we have built up these massive pedestals that we set our "celebrities" on and then engage in an almost masochistic endeavor trying to be just like them. we secretly, sometimes openly, enjoy watching them fall from the heights we've pushed them to. we love to watch the rise and gloat as they plummet back to earth...shattered marriages...failed parental relationships....any number of substance addictions.... their lives a broken mess....much like our own....and I have my own confession to make....I'm no different....I will turn on the E! channel and watch in utter fascination as the True Hollywood story scandalizes.....and occasionally redeems... the "star." Why do I do this...? Because I'm secretly wishing for their downfall?....not really...more or less because I, like everyone else, sometimes get caught up in the hype.

The truth of the matter is this....we are all the same. Now I'm not saying we don't each have some unique qualities and gifts and talents, because we do...but when we strip ourselves down to the core of human nature...we are the same....same feelings....same emotions....same basic needs....each and every human on this planet is the same at the deepest level. Life can be tough sometimes, and even moreso when the eyes of an entire nation or even the globe are watching your every move and breath. It's no surprise then when the little vices that once only tempted in secret become the words spilling from loose lips to hungry ears waiting for the newest juicy tidbit to feed the growing obsession. And when we've had our fill and there is no longer an interest...we leave them there...bruised and broken...looking for the answers to questions that were thought to be long gone. Sadly this doesn't just happen with "celebrities"...we do this to our friends..our neighbors...our family...Why??? Because it takes the focus off of ourselves...we don't like to look at ourselves...really look...because we know what we'll find scares the hell out of us. But perhaps we need to be scared. maybe...just maybe...we might look past our intial shocking inner appearance and realize that there's more....There is so much to each and every one of us that we don't even take the time to think about. We're too busy looking at everyone else to notice the beauty we have within us.

So what have I noticed about myself?....There's good and bad....much like in you....I'm too often unmotivated...sometimes downright lazy....I can be selfish and crude....and have a tendency to let myself wander into areas I should avoid.....but I've noticed compassion too...a will to make a difference...a desire to help and to listen....I have all these's what makes me who I am....and I think that's the first step....recognizing who I am and being ok with that and yet having the willingness to explore what can be done to help me improve the things that drag me down....

I have learned this in my life....and whatever you may believe about God and Faith is your right....but in my life it rings true that I have been shown so much Grace....and I believe with the very essence of my being that God loved me enough to die for me to have that Grace......and it gives me Hope that I might someday see a lot more good than bad when I do my self evaluations....but even moreso that when God looks at me that Grace has already covered me....I even had those two words tattooed around my left wrist as a reminder....Hope that I have...Grace that I've been may think that's just too easy....but why should it be hard?

Just an observation.....if you have something to add or maybe just want to have your say...leave me a comment.....

see you where the sidewalk ends....

June 2006

essay/prose piece originally published in June of 2006:

To be a dream...

The first waking moment is always the most alarming...It's that moment when you're most unsure if your surroundings are still part of some fantastical dream or terrifying nightmare....or the real world you know. But what if our whole life is someone else's dream? what if we spend all of our days chasing fleeting things that don't satisfy and only leave us desperate for one moment of contentment...a real sense of being loved? I think there are a lot of people out there living their lives in a dreamworld that they did not create nor did they ask for and yet there they are...shuffling along to the beat of some distant drum that keeps them in time with whatever seems to be popular at the moment.

We are all born into this world with possessions, no name, no previous experiences....and yet somehow we know that what we see around us doesn't seem to be all there is to the world. Over time some people numb this inside of themselves until it's nothing but a dim ember barely burning as a thought. The thought doesn't go away though, no matter how much we would like it to just disappear and allow us to live this self absorbed existence. It grows and branches out into our thoughts until it can no longer be ignored or supressed. It whispers to us in the moments when we let ourselves stop running after trivial things..."there is a world that you are missing"..."you are loved more than you realize"...."wake up o sleeper"...and these whispers can become haunting the longer we try to ignore them.

So where do we go from here? Where do these whispers take us if we follow them just a little a look beyond the dream that we're living in?

(to be continued)...

May 2006

Poetry originally published in May 2006:

Alive in the Mystery

Sunshine melts

Away the expanse

Of this lazy

Winter day

Smiling at the

Memory of

A mountain sheathed

In cold ivory

Gliding by as the lift

Guided us to our

Anxious destination

Where the world

Unfolded beneath our feet

And I think I couldve

Laid there in that

Powdered ice forever

If I knew that youd be near

As long

And it wasnt daylight

That shone so bright

But your smile

And your laughter

That ignited the night

So whats the story

Morning glory?

Can you tell me

What your heart knows?

A new season

Begins in bloom

Filling the space between us

And what will this garden grow?

The slowly rising tide

Of this affection carries us aloft

In a mystery Im enjoying

With a hope

That you feel the same

It Starts With A Flicker

Sometimes I wonder

What you must be thinking

When someone elses world

Is caving in around them

Youre always the first one to listen

The one they run to when they

Just cant seem to work it out

And I know you wish that you could fix

Every heartache they face

But the grace you live is something

They need more than another band-aid solution

And this is how it begins

The path that has been chosen

Your love displayed is the spark in the darkness

Its in their eyes when they hear your counsel

The hope that starts with a flicker

Like a fresh lit candle flame fighting

Against the incoming winter breeze

So I wonder what thoughts

Run through your mind

For the thousandth time

When the heartache

Makes a repeat offense

And I smile

Knowing that your arms are open

In a comforting embrace

If it ever seemed like it went unnoticed

Like being the first one to listen

Last one to be heard

Know that you make a difference

Be it one life or a thousand

It starts with a flicker

One bright spot to start a flame

Genesis Daydream

I wandered in a daydream

And wondered at a field

Of fresh spring flowers

Waiting to emerge from

Winter's snowy grip

Just a dream and yet

I found myself entranced

Holding my breath as the first slivers

Of sunlight shattered

The cold darkness covering

This valley

Slowly, as the fiery orb

Rose higher in the morning sky,

Every flower yawned and swayed

Petals unfolding

Revealing natures true beauty

Kept hidden til the promised

Season emerged

I smiled as the dream faded

And thought how similar

We can be

Our souls waiting to display

The true mystery

And love like light

Beckons us to unveil

Our own glory

And so it seems that Im

Like Adam in slumber

Dreaming of Eve

Knowing my friend

The Creator

Has fashioned someone

Just for me